Getting to know you….I mean me….

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So how do you get to know someone? Especially someone on the Internet? Why would you want to read what I am writing? Why wouldn’t you? I think that maybe reviews and blogs mean more to people when they know you ARE a real person, with real problems like theirs, and we are all seeking that great SOMETHING to make it all make sense.

Well, let’s clear that one tiny part up right now…..it will NEVER make sense no matter how hard you try, how far your run, or how bad you try to avoid “It.” So for once, for me this is a way to embrace those things, share some laughs and tears with you, and hopefully find peace and a place to run to when we escape to the land of books.

So for me, I have been an ER RN for many years, including flight and trauma nursing. That has always been my passion. It is working in an Emergency Room where you will learn humility and grace. Accusations and forgiveness. Suffering and despair. But at the end of it all, you learn about hope, and humility, and grace, and being blessed while never taking anything for granite. I have held the hands of so many people as they died. I have seen families that are amazing at being in the moment and holding on to each other as well as families that are so grief ridden their is so much shock and blame that they run from each other instead of holding on and just being present and letting each other grieve. Sad you say? I say I am reminded when I am leaving to put on my seatbelt, to kiss my loved ones goodbye and tell them I love them every chance I get, and to never let go of hope.

So what in the world does that have to do with blogging and book reviews and owning a store? Well, you see, I do these things all at the same time. This is where I leave the pain of the others that I have carried, their burdens that were just too much to handle. This is where I find hope. Words in books, words in blogs, and words that happen in every day exchanges. Have you ever thought of just how many books are out there? Do you honestly think that you could read them all in your lifetime (believe me I have tried audiobooks, while reading, while typing my own thoughts………..yeah………don’t try that at home kiddos…….that leads to EVERYONE around you treating you like you have leprosy……oh no maybe I do, surely not…., nah not me, well there was that ONE patient…..no way will I believe this…ok I finally got it figure out….THEY have leprosy! Awe, what a kind gesture, but I think I am immune to everything except automotive idiots and run away trains or buses.) Yet I digress, which I do a lot!

For me, it has become another honor to have a snap shot into the window of humanity. Maybe somewhere in time people reading our words and noting our actions will be what finally chases all the bigotry, hate, venom, snide looks and hurtful things we say and do away and people will finally understand we are all in the same boat…….just some of us paddle faster than others, and none of us are invincible to pain, disease, illness, shame and fear. A good story gives you a shelter for a little while when you are living in someone else’s world without judgement or fear. Their words, their windows to their souls are open to you as a shelter when times are tough.

I have never had the pleasure of sitting down with some of my favorite authors and say “Hey! Where do all those words and ideas come from? How do you contain a thought to a single moment, then send that moment out into nothingness…….until it finds me. Who are your inspirations? What authors give you comfort when you need that. Laughter when the days are hard, and understanding that we are all bound together by words, fear, amazement and our own fragile humanity.

SO….I am generally a cut up as I like to make people laugh, but I also run deep with many rivers and tributaries that have lead me to this moment…right here…right now…with you. As I am needed for much and time is hidden away from me to make my days shorter, I leave. You with this………Karma. Be kind. Be loving. Be open. (Believe me I am the first one that says “oh yeah?!?!? How about a throat punch! Or a dig your eye out with a spork??? Sheesh why so violent hehe)

I am not sure really how fluid my blogs will be, but they will be real, they will be raw, and they will ask that you share or respond to the words on the page. We all carry those crazy heavy burdens. Why not drop them here, read a book, and let’s talk about it. Tell me what sucks, tell me what not to miss. I will in turn do the same for you. (Boylan House…………poor House…….I do hope he is revamping that story as it could be awesome…for now….RUN away and don’t sit through it like I did!)

Maybe next time I will start telling you about my wonderful father Doug. He was my whole world. I was always such a daddy’s girl. He would read to me at night. (Jack London’s “Call of The Wild” kicks serious arse should you somehow have missed that one.) He would read 1 chapter a night and if we really begged hard enough he would read 2. He made up stories on long car trips, and he, like me, would be reading 5-6 books at a time. My dad was military, served his country in war time and peace more than once. My Daddy taught us about family, duty, responsibility and most importantly love. For him, strangers were just family we hadn’t meet yet. My Daddy was safe, even when I was afraid of war and dying and all those other things we waste time in our heads thinking about. My Daddy was a true hero. My daddy was also a jokester and a prankster and my Dad always believed in making people smile. My dad never broke a promise and thought more of other people than he did himself. He was always giving.

So while I contemplate should his story be funny or serious, join in, what’s your thoughts? Do you always try to put others first? Hold the hand of a dying widow who is afraid? Wrap your arms around the little girl they brought in off the street for prostitution……..who is only 15………and is dirty and smelly…….and has just found out not only is she pregnant but she is losing that baby, and her ability to have babies later on? Do you drive around the block to give that dirty old man that says he’s a vet and starving standing on the roadside the money you have in your wallet because you couldn’t get near him the first time you drove by?

Until the next blog…..wish me luck that we find no more TV remotes in places they should not be when people come into the ER for a backache, and for goodness sakes PLEASE let that ambulance with lights and sirens go safely past you…….what if it has someone you love in it and you just don’t know it yet.

I’m headed to post more book reviews and try not to kill my neighbors ears while I am screaming doing taxes. May your day be filled with peace and love……..(or if it’s not may you. Not go to jail for kicking the sh*t out of the guy on the interstate that has now cut you off 4 times……..call me……that might be the one that cut me off too!)

Until next time………………………………

~ J

 

 

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